The past few weeks has been a bit intense. After having learned my final exam results, I managed to fail only 3 out of the enormous total of 13. Alas, I began to study... again. For those who may not be aware, it is incredibly difficult to start studying for a class that has been finished for over 2 months. Getting back into the scholastic mindset proved to be a challenge, but with the motivation of my friends, I pulled through. We had group study sessions. My roommate and I studied after dinner. I carried flashcards in my purse and reviewed them on my morning metro ride to work. The retakes took place at my school in Reims, the city of champagne an hour (or two) from Paris. Et voilà, I had to take time off of work, find someone who still lived in Reims that would let me sleepover, and haul myself on back to the place I had escaped but not a few weeks ago.
The retakes didn't go well. I tried quite hard, but the pressure got the best of me. In order to stay in Reims next year and graduate with two diplomas, I need to pass every class. If I fail, I have to redo the entire year over again. Not only is this a waste of money that I don't have, but it's also a slap in the face for all of the hard work and effort of the preceding year. I have too much pride to repeat the year, and also, I think it's mildly stupid to spend 6 years as an undergraduate. (Side note, Northeastern is a 5 year school, hence I'm not graduating this year) So, if I don't pass the exams, I don't pass the year. If I don't pass the year, I can't stay. If I can't stay, I won't get the double diploma, and I may lose my hard-earned capabilities to speak, comprehend, and write in French. This is significant for a few reasons.
1. The double diploma thing could open up some serious doors for my career. The thing is, no one outside of France really understands the diploma, but that doesn't matter. It's the principle that I stayed abroad for 2 years, am nearly fluent in another language, and graduated from two different universities in 5 years. I'll have such ridiculous things to talk about during interviews, and an experience that not a whole lot of Americans have.
2. All I've ever wanted in life, besides tasty chocolate or a nice pair of sneakers here and there (only half-kidding) was to be at least bi-lingual. I'm trying to look at the big picture here. I don't necessarily love the city of Reims, and I definitely have no love for the school. The people are awesome though. However, this aspect isn't enough to keep me abroad. I tend not to base my decisions around other people, but instead what I want for myself. Selfish? Maybe... But, at the end of the day, people enter and leave your life. Needless to say, it's not a deal breaker for me. The deal breaker is this- if I were to leave France and return to the States, when would I be speaking French? I wouldn't hear it on a daily basis. I wouldn't be forced to exude the extra energy to rack my brain and find that one word. I started learning French in 6th grade, and I've been nothing but mediocre in it. I learn better outside of the classroom. Even if I returned to the States and joined a French club or something, I'd lose what I've worked so hard on this past year. If my life goal is to be at least bi-lingual, leaving France would be detrimental to my dream. I'm so close to achieving it. If I stop now, I can guarantee that my dream will never come true. So yes, last semester wasn't nearly as fun or happy as it would be in Boston. True. BUT, you have to sacrifice some things in life to get what you want. I want to speak another language fluently more than anything else in the world. If that means I have to miss my senior year at NU, so be it. I ain't quittin' now.
So here is where the title of this post comes into play. After my first (of two) day of intensive exams, I find out that the retakes count for 100% of the total grade. One of my classes involved a huge group project that counted for 30% of the total mark. My group did fairly well on it, so it boosted up my grade a bit. So, after I take this stupid retake, I find out that the grade from my group work is completely void. All that work for nothing. I was talking to a French friend of mine, expressing my blatant discontent, and he said "well, what did you expect? Isn't it logical that a retake would count for 100%?" to which I replied, "honey, it's not in my logic to even have a retake." I mean, I guess having the opportunity to take an exam again is pretty nice, but what frustrates me is that NO ONE told us about this. I do mean NO ONE. I think I should have had fair warning about it. It isn't written in any of the information packets we received. Nothing.
Trick numba 2: We find out our final grades.... drumroll please...The end of July. Are you kidding me?!?!? It's incredibly ridiculous that I won't know what country I'll be living in until the end of July. It's such a crock of BS! That means I can't start looking for an apartment in Reims until August because I can't sign a lease without knowing if I'm actually going to stay in the country. I also have only one month to renew my visa and do all of the paperwork involved. I can't even buy a return ticket back to France because I don't know if I will be returning!!!! So stupid. Like actually stupid. I'd love to buy a ticket back to the States for my grand September return, but I don't know if it will be round trip or not! Gah!
On another note, my job is awesome! The full-page advertisement that I created for Enfant Magazine will be on-stands on the 12th. I'm going to get as many copies as I can. I'm sorry, but I think it's pretty friggin cool that my ad is going to be published in 200,000 copies distributed across France. Pfffft, no big deal. What else... for confidential reasons, I'm not allowed to elaborate on this, but I got to play with an iPad at work! What's even cooler is that the iPad hasn't even been launched in Europe (the launch is May 22nd, I believe) so it's making me feel a bit exclusive. Having used it for a few days, all I can say that is if I didn't need to pay my rent, I'd buy one in a second. After now having plugged the iPad, I'll return back to the subject of work being really great. My boss has given me such great opportunities to really get involved with certain key projects. I've attended a few meetings so far, which has definitely been an experience to say the least. It's interesting to see the differences of how business is done here in France. I can't quite put my finger on it yet, but it's almost as if people work with a sense of hierarchy... I have a higher position than you, so therefor I have more authority, and I don't care if I was the one to make a mistake but since I have more authority I'm not in the wrong... it seems counterproductive. It's hard to organize meetings with people because everyone is running all over the place. Everything seems to be last minute, and without concrete action plans. It's tons of negotiating... but not even in a monetary sense. It's negotiating on every level, constantly fighting for things to be done efficiently or to meet a certain deadline. There is zero communication between departments. Everyone is so disconnected. I have to say that while I love France for many reasons, business is not one of them. It's way too political and bureaucratic here. Most of the time there is no rhyme or reason for things. I know it's not good to compare countries, but I much prefer the way business is done in America. It's efficient, direct, and effective. It's yes or no, black or white. Here, it's "oh, let me talk to some other people to see what they think, and then we'll request another meeting that will take forever to make, and everyone will be at least 20 minutes late for it or not show up at all, and then we'll discuss it forever, and then give you a maybe for an answer, and then you can send us more proposals, more people may or may not look at them, and we'll talk, try to organize another meeting....." Such an absurd cycle. People just aren't as concise here as we are in the States. I like things to happen, badda bing, badda boom. Done. I don't think business should be flowery or delicate. It's aggressive and punchy. It's why I've never liked politics or literature analysis. I don't like the gray areas.
And that's all she wrote for today. Tune in next time to find out what happens in the opinionated, wacky tales of Dena, the girl that may or may not be completely absurd.
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